Surviving Parenting when Illness Knocks

Parenting is already difficult to get right, but things get a bit harder when one or both of your children are sick. In many ways, it turns into a marathon of trying to doing what you need to do in order to just keep moving forward. This video is an exploration of the things I've learned over these last few weeks at have helped me during some difficult times.

Video - Surviving Parenting when everyone is sick

Transcript

Parenting is tough. Parenting is exhausting, and it is hard. And it's 10 billion times worse when you're sick or your kids are sick. I made that fact up, but I think the sentiment remains. So this episode we're going to dive deep into how to parent in survival mode.

You can find more information on this episode on my website it is www.simplifyingchildhood.com.au/podcast/7. And on there, you'll find a link to the video you will also find the audio, the transcript and some photos if I can get to it and apply but we will not going to make any promises just yet on that one. Because I am currently parenting while my kids are sick, and I am exhausted.

I am done. With so many levels coffee is not quite hitting it. And for me, my children means it brings up a lot of anxiety. I stupidly Google everything all the time. I'm always in that kind of heightened fight or flight state wondering whether I need to add what is the action is this gap is this emergency and it's exhausting. It's more exhausting when I'm sick as well. And they're not because when I'm sick, and then I've got zero energy to give and then full-blown energy because they're not sick. I'm sick. And I definitely had that a few months ago when I had mastitis because I was really sick. She wasn't sick, wanted to play and engage. And I had nothing in the tank.

So how do we parent through that?

Nothing in the tank where either we're sick or a kid, or worse still, if everybody's down, you know that family bout of gastro that can go around. And sorry, I've just had a moment a memory of our family about a gastro. And that was in Budapest.

And how do we parent through that because it's not easy?

And it's not fun.

But it is definitely survival mode. And I want you to think of that like a button you activate survival mode activated, press the button and do what you need to do to survive and get through it. It's okay if you change your sleep routines, it's okay if you change feeding routines or any routines. It's okay if you order takeout, if you only whatever food that you think is going to help you or that you want to eat or your kid only wants to eat icebox, whatever kind of throw the rulebook out because one bad night or one day where you don't follow the same routines that you normally do isn't going to make or break your parenting doesn't define you as a parent, you are currently in survival mode.

So first step is press that button.

Lower your expectations of yourself and your child.

And when you think they're low, lower them again, you're in survival mode. So is a piece of bread dinner? Yeah, it is. And depending on what you're sick with is ice cream dinner. You know, is there a sore throat? ice cream give me dinner? It's okay, you need to make those decisions for yourself what you're okay with. I'm not saying everyone go out and have ice cream for a sore throat. I'm not giving medical advice here. So please don't take it that way. But you know, think about if your child's I got gastro, and they're only wanting to eat bread. And you had gastro would you only want bread? Okay, that's how I kind of look at it. And just because they have bread or ice cream or an ice block, because they're not well today doesn't mean tomorrow when they better.

Let's pretend it's a miracle illness that was better in a day. But you can't say no then. So just because you said I spoke for dinner Okay, today doesn't make them necessarily okay tomorrow and that's all right.

So lower those expectations and really lower them.

So I Budapest. I really wish I'd got to see that city. We were there in 2019 January and My eldest got sick first. She I remember picking her up out of the cot at night, she was crying, and pulling her into bed with me. And she just started vomiting on me. I'm not going to give you the details because let's just say it was disgusting. She was sick that day. And we stayed home and looked after her stayed in the hotel room. And the next day I was ill, and I physically could not move. I have only felt that tick a handful of times in my life, and he was horrible.

And the next day he was sick. So none of us were great. And she spent most of those two days in the portacot near the window, where she could see out the window. And she watched the construction workers next door, I would say pretty much the two days straight, we fed her whatever she would eat and put her to sleep. That was pretty much it. I don't actually know what else we did with her in that time.

So that's what I mean by low low expectations and survival parenting is she was safe in the cot, I knew she was safe. If I fell asleep, she was safe. And I could then do some self care as well. The other thing when we and you know what, then we went back to our normal routine. And she wasn't in a bed and she was eating all the other foods as well.

How do you fill the days?

When we are in that survival mode. The other thing to have is some really good go-to ideas and strategies to fill those days, especially I find when I'm sick like it was good. There was construction next door that she could sit in the car and watch. But what am I going to is when I'm sick that my Well, the toddler is able to do and entertain themselves without me constantly having to do it.

And then when they're sick, what are some low energy activities that we can do together to kind of distract them a little bit because feeling ordinary is ordinary.

Okay, so my favourite, and I know some people are not gonna agree with it. But my favourite is using the TV. And I say that because I know when I'm sick, I want to curl up on the couch, and I want to watch some TV and probably binge-watched it. And it's okay because we're going to watch TV today. But we don't have to do it as much tomorrow or later when we are well.

We can get outside, we can do all those things. And you know, sometimes being outside can be really helpful. I actually take the TV outside, not gonna lie.

Using the TV, for me in parenting with illness is gold. But I use it strategically. So I don't just put on. And I'm not going to pick shows because there are so many, that annoying sound that goes on and I don't want to watch, I pick things I want to watch because they're sick or I'm sick and we're going to be here for a day or two.

I'm going to pick something I want to watch.

So I make sure that is something that I would like to watch that is child-appropriate. And I also am strategic in picking things that can springboard a play idea or springboard an activity for them to do. So what do I mean by that?

TV Based Play Ideas

If I'm unwell, we might decide the Floor is Lava. We'll watch it. We'll watch floors, lava, and then I will lay on the couch and give directions to set up their own obstacle course inside, and they can run around and get the energy out while I get to lay on the couch. Because I'm unwell.

Whereas if say they're unwell, we might watch the Great Pottery Throwdown and then have a Play-Doh making competition and make some Play-Doh together. caveat if I do that activity, I do throw the playdough afterward because I've been sick using the playdough. That's my own issue. And we will watch that and then we might do it we might do it while watching it.

Another good one for that which is on at the moment is Lego Masters and building sometimes we just watch Grand Designs buildings or any home run out there you know that home run a channel. And we'll watch that and we'll just build with blocks on the floor while watching out or if I'm not well I'll kind of lay on the couch and say can you build the tallest tower? Can you build a house like that one?

Cooking shows can be great. You may not want to cook but watching the cooking shows and then the mud kitchen or bringing in some sensory play that they can do while watching out or after watching it. And so I'm strategic in that. We might watch an episode or two and then when their attention wanes so my daughter is three and a half, a bit, a bit older than that. She's probably got an hour, an hour and a half, and TV if I'm honest. And at the end of that, I need something else for her to do in the TV is a great inspiration.

So if I'm waking up, I'm not feeling well, I might say, You know what, at the end of this episode, how about we go outside and you can go to your mind kitchen, and I'm going to lay on the couch up here on the outdoor furniture, and watch her do that. And then we're going to talk about the things that we've seen. And again, it's low energy for me, high energy for her if I'm not feeling well.

And another good one, if I'm not feeling well for them is the Olympics and the Olympics are really good. Beijing, find some YouTube videos. If you're in Australia, CHANNEL SEVEN still have some of it up on their website. I knew come watch 5 or 10 minute videos, and then they can reenact it.

So we've reenacted javelins from straws, again, I can do that from the couch, they can do it from the couch. If they're not well, they're short, sharp videos that you can watch and then talk about each time. So you're not trying to watch an hour and a half. Because toddler attention span is so short, if you're then going, Oh, we're going to watch an hour and a half or two hour movie, they're not going to stay unless they're really sick and tired. And focus for that long necessarily.

So short things that you can watch. And then talk about we have done that we have done. Ninja did swimming one day and decided to do swimming races on the floor, no pool, just her laying on the floor paddling. That was quite entertaining to watch, actually.

So just because you can't think of an activity to reenact it doesn't mean they can't do gymnastics with a ribbon. And then they can go. And it's, again, using the TV strategically to spring off those ideas that can lead to that independent play.

Because if you're feeling that you're going to be honest, you're not going to want to necessarily play your run survival mode. If they're feeling bad, they may or may not want to play, they're on survival mode, too. So TV is a big one.

For me, getting outside can be really good depending on how you're feeling. I'm just sitting outside being outside, the fresh air can be really good as well. Especially, I'm sick and they're not taking things outside, really can change your mood.

The other day, my youngest is unwell, and I got told by Ninja, just take her outside, she'll stop crying outside. And I was like, okay, come on, we'll try outside. And yep, we went outside and she stopped crying. So sometimes just moving outside can change the mood of everybody. Something about the fresh air and things I'm sure there's some scientific research. But it is one of my other go twos when everybody's feeling a bit sick, especially when we're feeling sick. And we don't want to go out sort of sick. Don't want to spread all those germs. So but if you can get outside, open up all the windows and fresh air if you're in an apartment because that can make a difference as well to the mood.

So my key points are outside strategic TV that links to those play ideas and survival mode you are in survival mode. Do not expect everything to go smoothly. Do not expect the house to be beautiful. Anticipate that you're probably going to have higher emotions from you and your child.

Forgive yourself for that you're not feeling well. They're not feeling well. You're probably working on not a lot of sleep, focus on repairing that relationship afterwards apologise, build it, and do a lot of that self-care stuff. So sit down with them cuddle connection and be gentle and kind on yourself. It's okay if your routine doesn't look the same because you're sick. It's okay if the routine doesn't look the same because they're sick. You can get back on whatever train you want to get on. You can lift I guess your standards of what you want to do as a parent tomorrow, but today, ice cream for dinner is okay. It is all right. You are on survival and you will get through it. So this has been the simplifying childhood podcast and today we are lowering expectations. Until next week. I'll see you there